


Merlin or The Wife

by idontknowwhyimawake



Series: The World of Merlin [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Gen, Humor, M/M, actually everybody’s bored, no beta we die like arthur, the knights are bored, they’re literally all idiots and I stand by that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:55:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,080
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28657581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idontknowwhyimawake/pseuds/idontknowwhyimawake
Summary: When Gwaine gets word that his favorite guard has gotten a few more quotes that Arthur has said to Merlin and Gwen, he enlists Merlin’s help to get the other knights, Arthur, and Gwen to play round 2 of the game. Now though, the prize is a bit higher.Merlin or the Wife? Arthur’s horse is at stake
Relationships: Gwaine/Merlin (Merlin), Gwen/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: The World of Merlin [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2033875
Comments: 11
Kudos: 119





	Merlin or The Wife

**Author's Note:**

> After some people commented in my last story asking for a sequel, I decided to write one. I kept getting distracted while writing this, so that’s probably why it took so long to get this published. I didn’t start out this story planning for it to be Gwaine/Merlin, but I kind of wanted to add it in as I wrote the story. You don’t have to read it as Gwaine/Merlin, and can just read it as Merlin and Gwaine messing with each other as friends, but Gwaine/Merlin is what I intended for it to be

For the first time in months, it was relatively peaceful.

There had been no attacks on Camelot, and it’s citizens were reacting fairly well to news that the ban on magic was being lifted after a certain servant had decided to make his powers known during a game of two lies and a truth.

In fact, most people barely even blinked an eye at the announcements, and Arthur had even heard some people talk to their friends about thinking the ban had already been lifted. It really made Arthur question if any of the knights were even bothering with arresting people when it had been illegal.

Merlin had been jumping around all week with Lancelot, who apparently had already known, along with Gaius, and, surprisingly, Leon, who claimed he had seen Merlin use magic when those snakes appeared out of the shield a few years back. Now, the castle was littered with these blue butterflies that Merlin kept making appear out of thin air, to Arthur’s annoyance.

Even more annoyingly, now that Gwaine knew of Merlin’s powers, he began recruiting him in even more pranks than Merlin had already been participating in. Arthur had already washed out what he hoped was chocolate twice this month.

“Arthur!” A voice called out to him, and Arthur turned around to his lovely wife charging at him, her previously red dress now purple. Arthur must admit, the color looked wonderful on her. “Where’s Merlin and Gwaine?”

“How should I know?” Arthur asked, not taking his eyes off the purpleness of his wife’s favorite dress. “I haven’t seen them since they came by our chambers and asked me— oh.”

“Oh? What does that mean? Oh what, Arthur?” Gwen persisted, her hands on her waist.

“When they asked me where your red dress was,” Arthur said weakly.

“Why would you tell them where it was?” She asked, astonished her husband had told the two men where the dress was and didn’t suspect anything by it.

“I wasn’t thinking,” Arthur responded, a sheepish smile on his face.

“Do you ever?” Gwen murmured under her breath.

“Hey!” Arthur said, putting a hand over his heart. “I was thinking when you and I were—”

“Ah, there you two are!” The voice of Sir Elyan called out. “Gwaine and Merlin are both requesting our presence in the room of the round table.”

Gwen shot Arthur a look, and he shrugged helplessly. “How was I to know where they were?”

“Merlin’s your servant!” She shot at him.

Arthur gave her another sheepish smile, “only for another week. Then he becomes the court sorcerer, remember?”

“Well he’s still your servant as of the moment!” She said.

“I’m trying to lower the workload so it’s an easier transition!” Arthur replied, raising his arms.

Gwen huffed, “I hope you get George as your next servant.” Then walked off to go find Gwaine and Merlin.

“That must have hurt,” Elyan snorted, walking past his king.

Arthur’s mouth hung open. Did she really just say that? Surely his own wife wouldn’t wish such torture upon him! Arthur ran after his knight and wife and reached them just as they were walking into the room of the round table. Why is it called the room of the round table? Well, because there’s a round table in it, and the author forgot what the room’s actually called.

“Merlin! Gwaine!” Gwen called, marching up to them.

The two men turned around, and Arthur noticed that they were walking to a guard that was usually positioned outside his and Gwen’s chambers. Gwaine liked to call the guard “Background character #1.”

“Gwen!” Merlin cheered, a smile spreading on his face. “How do you like your dress?”

Gwen rolled her eyes, “I’d like it a lot better if you hadn’t magically turned it purple.”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow. “Magically? We didn’t use magic.”

Gwen narrowed her eyes. “Then what did you use?”

Gwaine gave a small smirk, “good old fashioned food dye.”

“With a hint of magic, of course,” Merlin added, unhelpfully. “You can’t get that color of purple using just food dye, Gwaine! We’ve gone over this!”

“Well it would’ve been funnier if she had simply thought we used food dye!” Gwaine retorted.

“It’s like they’re an old married couple,” Lancelot said from behind Arthur. “I’d be surprised if whoever they marry even gets the chance to argue with them, with how much they argue with each other already.”

“You should’ve heard their fight last week about Gwaine hiding Merlin’s red scarf,” Percival said from Arthur’s right side. “I thought Merlin was about to burn down the entire castle while he looked for that thing.”

“What about when Gwaine dragged Merlin on that hunting trip, telling him Arthur had wanted him to go, and when they got back Arthur made Merlin muck out his stables,” Leon said from Arthur’s left side. “Merlin didn’t speak to Gwaine for a week.”

“Wasn’t that last week?” Elyan questioned.

Lancelot shook his head. “No. Last week they pranked Sir Owaine with that rat in his room. I believe that was the week before.”

“That can’t be right,” Arthur muttered. “The week before that was when Merlin called Aithusa in Gwaine’s chambers and his hair caught on fire.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, sire,” Lancelot said in return. “That was—”

“Oh, enough already,” Gwen called called over her shoulder, and the knights and their king noticed that Gwaine and Merlin had stopped their bickering and were now looking at them expectantly. 

“Well then,” Gwaine started. “Now that you’re all here, I’ve come across some rather grand news!”

“You’re brains finally grown?” Arthur heard Lancelot murmur under his breath.

Gwaine chose to ignore Lancelot’s comment. “A special somebody had recently told me that he has added some wonderful new quotes to a list we were looking at only weeks prior.”

“And bg ‘told me’ Gwaine means he kept bombarding Julliard until he confessed he had more quotes,” Merlin interrupted Gwaine.

“Who’s Julliard?” Gwaine asked, turning to face Merlin.

“The guard with the list,” Merlin said. “Honestly, Gwaine! How can you not know your fellow guards names?”

“For your information—”

“Here they go again,” Leon said, taking a seat at the round table. Everyone else followed suit, and soon they were only waiting for Gwaine and Merlin to finish with their bickering. 

When they were finished, Merlin grabbed the guard, whose name was apparently Julliard, and held him out expectantly, as if everybody should already know who this was. After a few seconds of silence, Arthur could hear what seemed to be a stunned Percival breath out an “oh God.”

Arthur turned to Gwen to see if she knew who this was, but she simply shrugged helplessly.

“Is that?” Elyan seemed to trail off what he was saying, much to Arthur’s disappointment.

“What? Who is he? Besides that guard that stays outside my room?” 

Percival’s face had broken into a grin, “it is the guard with that list!”

Gwen’s eyes lit up, “do you mean the list with stuff Arthur has said to Merlin and I?”

Leon nodded, “I believe so.”

“You have guessed correctly, my friends,” Gwaine spoke with such joy Arthur began to wonder if it was too late to leave.

“Are we allowed to leave?” Lancelot said, speaking Arthur’s thoughts.

Merlin smirked and mumbled a few words under his breath, and the doors to the room slammed shut, leaving their only way out as the windows, which if one were to jump out they would certainly die.

“Now, this guard here—”

“Julliard,” Merlin mumbled.

Gwaine turned to his friend in annoyance. “Why on Earth would somebody name their child Julliard? It sounds like an expensive school that only accepts smart people.” When Merlin shrugged, Gwaine simply sighed and continued. “Anyways. Julliard— are you happy now, Merlin?”

Merlin smiled, “yes, actually.”

Gwaine stuck out his tongue, then went on with his words. “Julliard has told me that in exchange for this list, he must be excused from our wonderful game. I accepted this, because this round we can have newer and even better judges.”

Arthur laughed, “and who would be foolish enough to be the judges of your petty games?”

“We are,” Merlin said, jumping up and down.

“You didn’t,” Arthur said, horrified. His terror quadrupled its size when Merlin began jumping even higher.

“Oh Gods, he did,” Gwen whispered.

“Don’t sound so scared, it’s not as if I volunteered us for some human sacrifice,” Merlin pouted. “Trust me, you would know if I did.”

“What in Gods name is that supposed to mean?” Arthur paled.

Merlin shrugged. “Oh nothing. I’m just saying you would know if I did.”

Elyan coughed, causing the two men to stop talking, and giving Gwaine a chance to hop back into the conversation. 

“So, as many of us are broke seeing as the last round ended in many of us losing 20 coins, I’ve decided that this round we would have a different prize.”

Percival snorted, “what is it? Arthur’s crown?”

Merlin rolled his eyes. “Don’t be foolish, Percy. Arthur’s crown is way too big for it to fit on any of our own heads.”

Arthur opened his mouth to protest, but Gwaine beat him in the race of getting words out of one's mouth.

“The price is Arthur’s horse!” He announced

“Sylvia?” Arthur said weakly.

“That’s the one!” 

“Good Gods, they’ve gone mad,” Lancelot said.

“Don’t you mean we’ve gone wise?” Gwaine asked.

“You clotpole, that’s not even the right grammar!” Merlin shouted at his friend.

“Doesn’t matter!”

“Enough!” Gwen screamed over the bickering. “I will gladly be a judge in your game, if that is what you wish.”

Merlin beamed, “thanks Gwen!”

“Well if Gwen’s doing it, so am I!” Arthur agreed.

“Yes! We’ve got three judges, now I just need to know if you are willing to play,” Gwaine said, using his puppy dog eyes while looking at Lancelot, Leon, Percival, and Elyan.

“Well,” Lancelot sighed. “I suppose one game wouldn’t hurt.

“As long as I win this time,” Elyan shrugged.

“In your dreams, Elyan! I will be the victor of this game!” Percival said, possibly a little too loudly.

Leon smirked, and put his hand down on the table, “you are both clearly mistaken. I will be the champion of oddly taken out of context quotes Arthur has said to his wife and servant.”

Gwaine clapped his hands together, “then let us begin!” He ran over to Julliard and snatched the list out of his hands, placing it into Gwen’s hands. “Start whenever you’re ready. But if it talks you longer than one minute  
I will be forced to kick you out.”

Gwen rolled her eyes at the knight, and scanned the list. “Where to start?” She said, and Arthur noticed the gleam in her eyes as she watched Gwaine squirm in his seat. “Ah yes, here we go! ‘Being here with you? I can be myself.’”

“Did he say this to you?” Elyan asked his sister. “I feel like he said this to you. I’m going with you.”

“This had to have been Merlin, perhaps in his second year in Camelot,” Leon said. “Arthur became much more of the man he is today during that time.”

“Oh please, it’s fairly obvious this was said to Gwen,” Percival rolled his eyes, but everybody knew he only chose her because that is what Elyan chose. 

“If this was said to Merlin, I might as well go back into the veil,” Lancelot said loudly, causing Merlin to lightly slap his arm.

“I’m going with my gut instinct as Merlin. It would be too easy if it was Gwen,” Gwaine said, rather proud of his answer.

Gwen smirked, “well then you would be wrong. Arthur said this to me on what I believe was our first date.”

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows, “the date where he talked about wanting to move to a farm?”

Gwen nodded, and Lancelot gave a loud laugh. “Did Arthur not also say he would bring Merlin with him to the farm?”

“Woah, woah, woah!” Gwaine said, making everybody freeze. “You’re telling me Arthur took you on a first date, then proceeded to talk about how if he could he would leave royalty and work on a farm with Merlin?” His grin widened, “wow Arthur, and you wonder why it took so long for you two to marry!”

Arthur’s face turned red, and he snatched the sheet from Gwen, “moving on!” Like Gwen had done, he too scanned the list, his face turning even redder as he read on. “I haven’t seen you smile these past three days,” he read off the sheet of paper.

“Gwen,” Gwaine said, not even hesitating. This had to be Gwen. There was no way it wasn’t her.

Lancelot locked eyes with Merlin, and seemed to look deep into the depths of his soul before answering. “Merlin.”

“I can’t possibly imagine Merlin going three days without smiling,” Elyan said. “Gwen.”

“You are unbelievably biased towards your sister,” Percival murmured. “Merlin.”

“This must’ve been Gwen,” Leon said, remembering all the times the manservant had made him laugh, and refused to believe he had gone three days without smiling at all.

“Good guesses everybody,” Arthur said. “But that answer was Merlin.”

Gwaine froze and if he had a drink he would've spit it out. “When did you not smile for three days?”

Merlin shrugged, and looked at Lancelot who smiled sympathetically at him. “Before I revealed my magic I had to keep a lot of things from you guys, and was constantly aware of how much danger we were really in. Sometimes I really found it hard to see the bright side in things.”

Gwaine frowned, but before he or any of the other knights could say anything, Merlin was already in possession of the list, and was scanning it for his quote. “I can take you apart in one blow.”

Oh this was getting too easy. Could Merlin not have picked a harder quote? “Merlin,” all the knights said simultaneously.

Merlin’s mouth dropped open. “How’d you know?”

“Because you’re an idiot and picked a quote that was way too easy,” Arthur said, annoyed at his servant.

“It was not that easy!” Merlin defended himself. “Was it?”

Leon shrugged, “I could not think of a time Arthur would have said such words to the queen.”

Merlin huffed, and Gwen put a hand on his shoulder. “This is karma for turning my dress purple,” she whispered in his ear. “Now, time for the next one!”

“I wanna go again!” Merlin said, holding the list just out of Gwen’s reach. 

“Merlin, you just went!” She argued.

“Yes, but as you said, it was too easy!” Merlin said with a slight frown. “Therefore, I think I deserve a second chance.”

Gwen opened her mouth to argue with him, but Elyan put a hand on her shoulder. “Just let him go, Gwen. It’s not worth the fight.”

Gwen huffed and crossed her arms, but didn’t say anything to protest Merlin reading off the list.

Merlin gave a small whoop when he realized that she would allow him to read off the list once again. Then, doing his best impression of Arthur’s voice, he said, “I admit, I don’t know what I’d do if any harm comes to them.”

Arthur frowned. He’d said this to Gwen, hadn’t he? Or was it Merlin? No. He was certain that he had said this to Gwen. But when was it that he had said this? 

Elyan had paled slightly. Had Arthur said this to his sister or to his future Court Sorcerer? “Um, Merlin?”

“I applaud you, Merlin,” Leon said, puzzlement clear on his face. “You’ve managed to stump us. I must go with Gwen, however.”

Gwaine raised an eyebrow at Merlin, then stood up and crossed over to him. Then, he laid down on his lap and looked right into his eyes, causing Merlin to blush slightly. Gwaine smirked and raised his hands to lay behind his head. “Gwen,” he said smoothly.

Arthur narrowed his eyes at his friends. Had he missed something? Why was Merlin blushing like a mad man?

“Merlin,” Percival said, but his voice was slightly distracted. He too was not looking at Merlin and Gwaine, his eyes not leaving his friends for a single second. 

Lancelot rolled his eyes. “I told you they were an old married couple,” he muttered, but nobody seemed to hear them as they watched Merlin try to push Gwaine off his lap when he noticed all the attention on them. “Gwen.”

Merlin finally managed to push Gwaine off his lap, and he landed with a loud thud next to Merlin. Percival let out a small snort snort when his friend cried out a small “ow!”

Merlin’s face was still as red as the knight’s cape when he stuttered out, “Gwen was the correct answer.”

“I knew it!” Leon said, breaking the silence at last.

Lancelot looked over to his older friend. “As did I!”

Elyan and Percival looked down in shame. Had they really been such idiots that they managed to get wrong a question that Lancelot, Leon, and even Gwaine, for god's sake, got right?

“Now,” Gwen said, taking the list away from Merlin. “It is my turn, again.”

Everybody looked onto Gwen as she opened her mouth to speak what was supposed to be a quote that Arthur had said to Merlin or Gwen. You could guess everybody’s confusion when instead she said, “it will only be 9 months now.”

The room quieted and Elyan said, “excuse me?”

“It will only be 9 months now,” Gwen repeated.

Merlin furrowed his eyebrows and snatched the list out of his queen's hands, his eyebrows furrowing even further as he scanned the list. “That quote is not even on here— wait a minute!”

Arthur frowned, “what is it? What will take 9 months?”

Leon walked over and patted Arthur on his shoulders. “Please, your majesty, I beg you to think this through.

Water was pouring out of Gwaine’s eyes as he sat, still on the floor next to Merlin, thank you very much, eyes bugging out of his head.

Arthur himself seemed to ponder what Gwen had said for what seemed like hours before he finally paled and opened his mouth. “A baby?”

Lancelot smacked his forehead, “we really must stop telling each other life changing things through this game.”

Percival raised his hand. “Since there’s no actual winner, can I have Arthur’s horse?”


End file.
